Tension!!!

When I worship I literally feel like I'm below a sheet of glass. Like, I'm stuck. I'm at a wall. I feel like I'm RIGHT on the edge. When I was worshiping last night I felt a fire in my stomach, but it didn't spread. I feel this tension in my whole body though. I feel like I'm right at the edge. I'm RIGHT THERE. Temptation is hitting me hard, but this time with the strength of JESUS I will overcome!!!

I'm so excited. It's kind of hard to breathe right now!!!

Voices of Fear

Three in the morning, sleeping to do, barely focused on God all day. Do you know how hard it is to focus on somebody you can't feel? Is God with me? Yes. I know he is. I know I know I know. But It doesn't feel like it. It doesn't feel like it at all. I sure can feel fear though. Fear that's just.. Hard to explain. And I never really want to, because that means that.. I have to think about it. I don't know what to do. I don't feel like I can really talk to anybody, but I think I will tomorrow. I know without a doubt God is real, this isn't a post of doubt. I just feel so helpless right now.

Fearless

Christians like to focus on being "fearless". But what does that even mean? Why do they want to be fearless? I've always wanted to be fearless, but I think I'm just realizing what it really means.

It means exactly what you think it does. It means you fear nothing. The bible says not to fear, for the Lord is with you, and that's why. When you get to the point in your walk with God where you trust in Him completely, you won't be afraid of anything, because God is stronger than everything. I think that this topic is so obvious it's easy to overlook the meaning..

It's like a toaster. You can go your whole life saying it's a toaster, but then one day you just say "HEY! It's a TOASTER. It TOASTS STUFF!!" (I do stuff like that hahaha). I hope we never overlook anything in our Christian walk(:

I wrote a story. First draft. Gonna work on it and put it up eventually.

Fall In Love With Jesus!!

I want to be in love with God. Obviously not romantically... But I want Him to be the center of my life. In first Thessalonians it says to pray without ceasing. That seams impossible. I mean, to pray constantly. I have work. I have school. It's hard, y'know? But maybe that's what I need to do to fully LOVE Jesus. When I was all stupid over One Direction I spent SO much time on them. Watching Youtube video's, stalking them on Twitter, reading fanfictions (now forget you read that), looking up facts about them, listening to their music, supporting them by voting for them, covering my walls with their faces. I dropped those idols. But I mean, if I spent as much time on God as I did on them.. Imagine where my relationship with God could be?

"I can't FEEL you God! Why can't I feel you! I just want to have a relationship with You!" 
(Without reading my Bible, praying or paying any attention to You.)

Yeah. Been there. Done that. May not like to accept it, but that's just how it can be. But to have a relationship with God, you actually have to pay attention to him (as crazy as that sounds). Haha. It's something I really need to remind myself of. Seriously. To prevent backsliding we need to read the Bible anyways. We need to pray even when we don't feel God, or don't feel like praying, as hard as that is.

I just read a blog post about how a woman is trying to fall in love with Jesus again. I need to fall in love with Jesus. Completely. Okay now, I think I know what I'm gonna do..

I'm obsessed with stinking Pinterest. It's amazing. I get on Facebook WAYY too much. So I'm gonna stay off of those for a month. GAH that's gonna be hard. I'm not posting this to toot my horn. If I wanted to do that I would post this to facebook haha. But nobody knows about this blog account, nobody reads it currently, so I'll post anything! If anybody reads this, pray for me. I need some strength. :)

I'm gonna try to blog at least twice a week. Might fail. I'm pretty terrible at blogging.

Do You Really Know How Much?

I asked myself, "Why does God love me so much anyways?"

Because He made me, then He saved me. I'm His. I'm completely His. That's why He loves me. Because I belong to Him. Because HE made me. He loves us so much.

Take the depths of the deepest ocean and go deeper
Take the top of the tallest tower and go higher
Take the best day that you've ever had
Try to imagine better than that
And it still don't compare
To how much you are loved

A Musical Confession

I spend $10 a week on music. It's usually enough for one album on iTunes or about six songs. I get really excited. I LOVE buying music. I love it so much I actually overdrew my bank account. Twice.

I Need My Lord

It's kind of wonderful to sit and cry because you desire God. Thinking about how I get to actually see Him someday is just such a wonderful feeling. But it honestly kind of breaks my heart at the same time, because I want to be with Him so much right now.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe we'll never feel completely whole on this earth. I've been saved and sanctified, and I love my Jesus, but I wonder if maybe the complete, 100% whole feeling doesn't come until we get to Heaven. Until we finally get to see our wonderful Lord.

I'm content and willing to do His work while I'm on this earth, just as I'm supposed to. But man, I can't wait to see Him. Weather it be because I go to the grave, or because He finally comes back for the saints of God. I can't wait to be with my Jesus.